Love, Grace and Hope

We had a very long day today.
Lots of discomfort for our little Empress and a collapsed lung kept us on our toes all day. The collapsed lung was addressed aggressively all night and morning and early this morning she was put on a cpap mask blowing out 10 liters of oxygen per minute. That's a lot of air, and Ivy can't stand it! She does not understand why I am not taking it off of her. She squeaks like a puppy when she tries to cry and she even took my hand and put it on the mask as if to say, "since you can't understand me, let me show you!"I could go on forever about how painful it is to see her like this, but that would be selfish for it is Ivy who truly knows what painful feels like right now.
 When the doctors and nurses did their rounds the doctor said that Ivy could not stay on the cpap at 10 liters for much longer. It would cause air to get in her belly and would leave us addressing even more problems. He told the nurses to order a 2pm x ray and if her lungs did not show improvement then she would need to be put back on the ventilator. If the lung showed improvement, they could gradually wean her from the cpap mask that they switched her to this morning, back to the cannula.
 She can not sleep, has not slept all day! No medication works, she just thrashes about and whimpers and it is absolutely heartbreaking! She is so very thirsty! Her mouth is constantly open under the mask, just frantically searching for liquid. When she sees the syringe that the nurses are getting ready to put in one of her lines she grabs for it with an open mouth. I have never had to watch one of my children in such discomfort, it is the hardest thing you can imagine. At 2pm she had her chest x ray. The portable unit comes right to her room and the picture prints out immediately. The nurse smiled a huge smile and said there was improvement!!! Praises be to God!! I begged Him for this. He loves Ivy even more than I and that's a whole lot of love!!
Gradually throughout the day they began reducing her flows and pressure and by tonight she is down to 6 instead of 10. Our hope is that she can be put back on the cannula tomorrow. That would make her sooooo much happier!!! She would be able to have a wet washcloth to put in her mouth and she would be so much more comfortable without the huge mask pack that is on her right now. She might also be able to sleep better without all that air blowing her away. The doctor checking on her today said nobody could sleep with that blowing at them!
8 pm tonight marks one week since she has had anything to eat or drink. Her lips are like concrete and tonights nurse told me I couldn't put chapstick or anything on them because it might affect the mask suction. The suction is under her eyes and at her chin? ? ? Then she said that she could not have her little peppermint stick after her suctioning when the mask comes off for a few minutes. Why I said?? Because her numbers might drop too low off the mask. Well that is true and I know she knows best, but let me just tell you.... that hit me hard. I just wanted to break down and throw a little temper tantrum, kick and scream and cry and see if it would make me feel better. It was like telling me to sit down and then pulling the chair out from under me right as I sat. Knowing that she would have her little peppermint sponge on a stick to suckle after her suctioning was what got me through seeing her little baby bird like mouth pleading for something, anything during that short time the mask was off. The suctioning gave them very little fluid. This is great. The lungs sound so much better tonight! Answered prayer. God's hand for sure! And here it is not even 10 pm and I have been sent to bed by my night nurse. She assured me that my little miracle would be very well cared for while she slept (if she sleeps) and that I needed to get some rest myself. I am willingly headed to bed now!! Because she needs me to be healthy and rested and 100% ready to care for her tomorrow.  I will not forget however, the look in her beautiful eyes, the open mouth dying of thirst, can you imagine? I picture Jesus on the cross right now, all he suffered for OUR sins, all that pain and all those wounds. He did that willingly! He did that for US! Yes He loves us, oh how he loves us so!!!! Ivy will get through this, tomorrow is another day and another milestone will be met. How awesome that her miracles are happening this week of Easter! How awesome that we will get to spend Easter here at the hospital where all the miracles of Ivy Joy are taking place! Our children don't care where we celebrate the resurrection of Christ, they just want their sister to be with us, AND SHE WILL BE!!!!!