ramblings from room 9

I was not going to post until tonight after Ivy was out of the cath lab. But sitting here with anticipation for what I pray will bring Hope, has left me with a need to ramble. Girls are like that. Or at least this girl is! My sweet husband is home with the precious family holding on to the same hope. And from afar, I feel so very lucky to be the family that we are. I was telling my girls earlier, that while I would not wish what we are going through on anyone, I am so grateful for who we all have become because of it. For I am sure that it for many, it feels good to be able to say, "we are so blessed by 3 healthy kids and a wonderful life and everything is just so perfect", but honestly, what would you ever gain? We have gained compassion and strength. We are enveloped in our faith and our family is closer than ever. My kids have a better relationship with their dad and their Father in heaven. We lean on each other better now. We are not afraid to ask each other for help. We find joy for all things, we know how to find joy in something as simple as a wet diaper! We know what it is like to miss each other desperately and we appreciate every moment differently now. We have seen suffering, real suffering, and we have seen pain that would break your heart. We know what love looks like in a whole new way, and no, we would never want to have life any other way. Do we wish that it was not this way? Of course, we are human, we love our darling little Ivy, we want her to be given no more of this suffering!! We beg God for this daily! But sometimes God answers our prayers differently than we expected. But he still answers. And this is our life, our family, our orchestrated by God time on earth. And at this time it doesn't involve bells and whistles, it involves a whole lot of faith, a whole lot of trust, a whole lot of hope, and a mountain of LOVE!!

Ivy Update
Ivy is in heart failure again and the large belly issues she has been dealing with is likely a result of that. The right and left ventricles have a lower function than she has ever seen. Her status was labeled critical on the consent form I just signed for the anesthesiologist due to the low cardiac function of her heart right now. She was ventilated this morning around 9am. They are performing a TEE Echo cardiogram (echo through the throat) and a heart catheterization as we speak. They are looking at the mitral valve and the right coronary artery. If there is anything they can do for the mitral valve they would need to do open heart surgery tomorrow and her surgeon is prepared for that. If there is anything they can do for the coronary artery they will do so in the cath lab today. I may update later tonight via Diana if she is still awake at that time and willing. 

Many of you have been texting emailing and FB messaging me about being here alone. I am not alone. I am wrapped in the loving arms of our father and surrounded so graciously by all of your prayers. I have a loving husband at home making sure our kids get the closest thing to normal while we go through this valley. And there is nothing that makes it easier to focus on Ivy and what we must face next through this valley than knowing all is well with the other half of my heart! We also need to remember that between the trip to China, the long PCH stay all the shorter PCH stays and the long Boston stay and a few more short PCH stays and now another Boston stay all in the course of 10 months........ My husband HAS to work so we can pay for Ivy's Cool Ranch Doritos my friends! So please don't worry about me. I am blessed with some very sweet new friends and old friends who would all be here in the drop of a hat if I just asked. And when the time comes, when I feel I am ready and the time is right, I will indeed make those calls. But for now, I am most calm and most comfortable, just being here alone. I can focus on Ivy, cling closely to God and have ZERO distractions! I am sure that all of you praying for peace for me has been a prayer God has not taken lightly. 
Our family is so blessed by my mom who will once again be flying in to help care for the crew (mostly Little Lexi) so that Daddy can go to work. After all, our hope is that Ivy is home eating her chips on her beloved couch in no time at all!!!

I asked for strength 
and God gave me difficulties and made me strong
I asked for wisdom 
and God gave me problems to solve
I asked for prosperity 
and God gave me the strength to work
I asked for courage 
and God gave me dangers to overcome
I asked for patience 
and God placed me in situations where I was forced to wait on Him
I asked for Love 
and God gave me troubled people to help
I asked for favors 
and God gave me opportunities
I received nothing I wanted and received everything I needed.
My prayers have all been answered.