It's Hard!

Today we sit knowing nothing more than we did 1 week ago when we found out about Ivy's surprise pulmonary valve. We are 1 week in to the wait, we are 1 week in to some precious time at home with all 6 of our kids, we are both happy and sad.

It is hard to wait, that part I know for sure. It is hard to say, I fully believe in your perfect timing God, when you see things the way I do. It's hard to stop dwelling on the fact that my oldest daughter is here to help with the family until the 20th and its already the 14th and we are still waiting. It's so hard. Its hard to believe that Spring break, no school, no dance, no shuffling schedules, is happening right now as we speak and the timing in my eyes would have been oh so perfect, but it's not the right time. Most of all, it's just so hard to see Ivy's numbers dropping before my very eyes and how purple her little hands and feet are and know that God has a better day planned for this.  Yet even so, I know. I know He does. I know He's got this. It is what gets me through every day. I know He has the perfect day and the perfect plan. Yes, my heart stops every time the phone rings, yes I get up in the night several times to check on Ivy, yes I'm frustrated that my sweet baby is now getting nosebleeds from the constant oxygen. But all in all, without a doubt, I do know that this time we have had, this week at home with all 6 kids (my 21 yr old visiting for 10 days) has been a gift! It is like Christmas every day. With lots of voices and so much laughter, meals together, late night movies and kids all over the place wrapped in blankets till all hours, swimming and all of us playing games with each other on our iPhones! It makes my heart swell! Having Quincie home has been such a blessing. She is a HUGE help with the girls, and oh my goodness, Lexi still shrieks  with delight when she sees every morning that Quincie is still here!!! 

What a blessing for Ivy to be able to feel the love of the whole family, all together, enjoining every moment! Ivy LOVES when we are all together!! Yesterday we ventured off to see a movie! Yep, the kids thought I was crazy but I needed to get out!!! So the kids and I took the girls to see The Lorax. 

Guess who sat through the entire movie??? We figured Lexi would, but Ivy surprised us and sat through the whole thing. I think she ate half a Large popcorn by herself too!! She was shoving that popcorn in her mouth the entire movie. She was perfect! Lexi actually fell asleep 3/4 through the movie as it was nap time. Speaking of naps, Ivy has not really been sleeping much during the day. She is up by 8 or 9 and fights her nap now. It's odd but true. She loves the car and is always asking to go bye bye. She loves to eat and can often be found in the walk in pantry just grazing on whatever she can reach. Her favorite is veggie straws! She can't get enough of those. Not the greatest snack but sure better than the Chinese numb and spicy hot pot flavor pringles she came to us loving :)

So, due to Ivy's low oxygen saturation level, the surgeon wants to meet with us this Friday. We do know that there is still no valve for Ivy's heart. We have also been told that if Ivy's numbers are as low as they have been this week, 40's and 50's then they will need to admit her and make a new plan. A tissue valve or whatever they do outside of a homograft would just be a quick fix for now, she would need to have it replaced while she is still very young. It would allow them to fix everything else though. Tonight she was coughing a lot and breathing really hard. It started after her short nap. She was fussy and it was obvious she was feeling really yucky. She amazes me, all of us really, how she is operating like this is just amazing! 

So with all my fears and worries and heartbreak laying at the foot of the cross, I thank you once again for your fervent prayers, for sharing Ivy's story so that even more can pray and for allowing me to share our journey.

Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. (Exodus 14:13a,14)